She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
