My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
