I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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