What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
