First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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