I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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