Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
