i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Randomize
