I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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