I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
