Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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