I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
