i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
