Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
