woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Come share oat with me in your robe
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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