And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
