I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
