i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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