Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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