i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
