just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
