i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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