I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
