pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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