I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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