So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
