Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
time to smoke my breakfast
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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