The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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