Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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