Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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