I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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