He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
