Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Vodka?
Forever.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
