This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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