i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
