At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
