Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
