I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
