he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
