don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Randomize