Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I enjoy the company of your penis
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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