Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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