I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You've changed since you got that strap on
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
