So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
