Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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