after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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