I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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