I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
