My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
