oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
