You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Randomize
