If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
