How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
