All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
operation have a gay friend backfired
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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