hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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