My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
