So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
