did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
