so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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