Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
