onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
