I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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