I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Enjoy the penises
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
