I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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