I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
