i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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