Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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