So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
