Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I AM VODKA MAN
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
