I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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