My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
