Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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