I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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