Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
