I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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