You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
