I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
