he told me I talked like a deaf person
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
