the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
