I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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