we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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