There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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