Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
