so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I need to stop coming to work sober
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I know her cup size but not her name....
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
