At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she smelled like a LAN party
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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