Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
try to milk me bitch
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
