He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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