how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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