tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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